in the interim

in the interim: what happens here? 

"It's the in-between..(where) you can become invisible."- K.W

That's Chicago, from several thousand feet in the air, on a United Airlines flight from the mainland to Hawaii.

I love to travel but hate traveling. Planes are a hassle, you know? All this notwithstanding, I got on a six hour flight from Upolu to O'ahu a few weeks after my mum's funeral. Zero time was spent processing anything - I just went for it. 

Back in January, I was selected for the Resilient Pacific Islands Leaders Fellowship. It's an initiative of the East-West Center, implemented by the Pacific Islands Development Program and hosted at the University of Hawaii. It was a lot of luck, I think, but also good timing. My mum was so excited when I told her, and I'm very glad she at least knew I was about to embark on my first fellowship, before she passed on. She knew I was going to be okay. Mostly. Hah. 

I haven't written anything in here for about five months. What can I say? I've been living and doing and being. It's kind of ridiculous that half a year has already flown by. I've been feeling as though l've been living in some sort of transitional, interim period. I've developed a whole new routine. My house has transformed into a new space altogether - one absent of my mother's mince pasta on Sundays and her sun-dried laundry on Tuesdays. My cousin Samkeyes has come to live with me. According to our Samoan culture, it would be negligent of my extended family to let me live alone (a.k.a independently 😂). I've always had a very great sense of self-sufficiency. I've had to- I took care of both my parents and have paid all the bills since I turned twenty-one. BUT, and I never thought I'd say this, it's been the BEST thing ever having my cousin over. He's got my dad's amazing cooking skills, my mum's love of clean clothes, and our grandmother's storytelling (☕ tea-spilling?) propensity. Having family members is actually wonderful. It's one of those things we don't often take time to truly marvel at. In this chapter of my story I AM (finally) GRATEFUL to be part of a big extended family. Of course, as with all extended families, there'll always be specific people I gel better with than others. And yes- there are some that I still don't see eye -to-eye with. But that's life. A family is essentially a basic social unit. Probably the most basic one there is. Social units are comprised of humans and humans have flaws. Right now, I'm just trying to live the happiest way I know how: simply, honestly, and kindly. What have I learned in this interim? That first and foremost, it's important to be kind to myself. I can show up better for my loved ones, and love them better too, if I love myself. 

I've started reading again- this month's task is to complete Kevin Kwan's sugar-sweet Sex and Vanity. It's my first time reading a contemporary rom-com. I'm both proud and ashamed of that. My reading list is so vast and I've only just found the...COURAGE to venture into this gem of a genre. I'm very pragmatic. And cynical. BUT THIS- wow! It's turning out to be just what I need right now. 

I'll write more about Manoa Valley, all the cute guys I saw, and all the amazing food I had in Hawaii, in my next post. Did that sentence sound vapid? I'm glad. I'm learning, also, to stop taking myself so seriously these days.