WHY, THOUGH? Part I

Leaps of Faith vs. Calculated Risks

Volunteer work, N.G.O.s, not-for-profit networks...blogging. These are much-needed, and VERY difficult to do when you live in a third world country that's about as big as an ink blot on an atlas. Also, it's Samoa, for goodness sake. Everyone has a job, maybe even two, and then there's the deluge of family fa'alavelave, 'autalavou meetings, alumni fundraising group chats (hopefully not more than two!), loan deductions...SO: Why even bother taking on an extra workload (and the extra #issues it might bring) for FREE?!

If ever I had to say what question I get asked the most, it'd definitely be the one above! My students ask me it. My colleagues ask me it.  My mother even asks me it...well, usually in the context of, "you're getting ANOTHER job? Is it another income too, please?" (Pacific mothers, aye?) While giving the same answer to the same question does get a little tiring, I'd also say, to those who ask: hey, fair enough. 

For the last year-and-a-half, I've been simultaneously working no less than two jobs (sometimes three) at a time WHILST also volunteering AND being a sole caregiver as well as a single income-earner. My clinical anxiety works for but also against this, shall I say, 'arrangement'...When I'm productive, I'm sending emails and sharing documents and planning, planning, planning to the point where it's almost annoying if you're on the receiving end. When I'm having an off day (or week, haha!), I'll still do all these things, but much, much, slower. This is equally annoying if you need a report or graph or email response from me. Nonetheless, 'I get it done', as the saying goes. 

To the point now: Why get more jobs, why sign on to more projects, and why make a blog to talk about getting jobs and signing onto projects? Well, it's simple: BECAUSE I CAN. Ability and agency are two of the greatest assets anyone can have. Yes, starting capital (read: inherited wealth) is an amazingly freeing and empowering thing. But it isn't a necessary prerequisite to furnishing your lifetime with the doing of all the things you want to, and the use of your talents and strengths to carve out the kind of legacy you hope to leave behind. I come from a very working class background: my parents were both first in their immediate families to graduate with any sort of tertiary qualifications. My siblings and I went through secondary and tertiary schooling with the help of scholarships and those pesky but necessary loan schemes that our father would apply for. He'd pay off one child's education loan, and then be faced with having to take out another, because by then, the next kid would be ready for high school or university. It wasn't the worst possible scenario you could imagine, but it was certainly not the best. One thing I have taken from my childhood is a deep and abounding appreciation for the ABILITY, and the AGENCY to work good jobs, to learn important skills, and to develop myself as a person. When you grow up with limited agency, you become an adult who appreciates being ABLE, however difficult your circumstances may still seem. 

I can teach, I can write, I can read, I can speak. And I can certainly take down an accurate dictation. Meeting minutes are my #life. The four founding pillars of literacy education in Samoa are listening, speaking, reading and writing. For all that is to be improved in it, I credit the Samoan education system for giving me a very holistic, broad foundation. I have built all four of my careers on this, and it has served me well on days when most other things (and people) have not. The education system that built me was focused on goal-setting. I was taught the importance of logical, measurable steps. Even risks have to be properly planned out. Know what you are risking, and know why you are risking it. Know what abilities you have, and know how much agency and space you have to exercise them. 

I was a nervous kid...painfully so. One night, after struggling through my Year 8 mathematics homework with me, my Dad gave me some (branded and cliche, but very helpful) advice: "Don't be afraid. Don't hold yourself back- if you know you can, then do it! Nike. Just do it!" Fathers, aye? I miss those dad jokes and nuggets of (un)original wisdom everyday. Cringe-inspiring? Probably. But these words have held true for me in all the fourteen or so years since they were spoken to me. There's only so much fretting you can do over a situation or an impediment. If you want to achieve anything worthwhile, you'll have to get to the point where you decide if you really can (or cannot) do it, and then, ACT ON WHAT YOU BELIEVE. Make your calculations, consider your risks, and finally, do the hardest and easiest part: take the leap. That's faith, by the way- stepping out because you know you can.